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A homsi was late for school so the teacher told him why were you late? he said my father and mother were fighting so i was giving out slippers
WARNING: I received this virus by email:
You have just received a Homsi virus. Since we are not so technologically advanced in Homs, this is a MANUAL virus. Please delete all the files on your hard disk yourself and send this email to everyone you know.
A stranger was walking in one of Homs street, he stopped a person and asked him : I lost my way. please do you know where (17th of April) street is? after a long period of thinking the homsi answered: did they tell you in what year?
homsi took his wife to the park. His wife ran to the swings and started swinging back and forth. The husband said to her " stop that, you are wearing a dress ..your underwear is showing". She got off the swing. Later, the husband came back and saw her on the swings again. He said " didn't i tell u not to go on the swings" she said " don't worry I took off my underwear
what's the difference between a clever and a stupid homsi student? the stupid homsi student writes when the teacher writes on the board and erases when the teacher erases, The clever homsi student doesn't write when the teacher writes on the board because he knows that the teacher will erase
Someone told his Homsi friend: your wife and your best friend are in the forest together... The Homsi runs there and after 10 minutes he cames back and says angrily: there are not even 10 trees and you call it forest !!
A Homsi went into an underwear shop and asked the owner "how much are the undergarments?" The owner replied, "the undershirts are 50 syrian pounds and the underwear are 50 syrian pounds." The Homsi didn't buy anything, he just said ok and left. The next day the same Homsi went to the same shop and asked the same owner the same question. The owner gave him the same answer. The Homsi said ok and left. The Homsi repeated this for two more days and on the fifth day he walked in and asked, "how much are your undergarments?" This time the owner replied, "the undershirts are 75 syrian pounds and the underwear are 25 syrian pounds." The Homsi said "how come you raised the undershirt and lowered the underwear?" The owner replied, "so you can kiss my a--."
On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple had a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside Heaven's Gate waiting on St.Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wondered if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally showed up and they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has asked. "Let me go find out." and he left. The couple sat and waited for an answer...for a couple of months...and they began to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returned after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," said the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?", asked the frightened couple. "COME ON!" St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it will take me to find a lawyer?"
Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Lady #1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore And announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80years of age), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers...
Lady 1: Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel. The pharmacist fainted.
Q: How can an elephant get down from a tree? A: Stands on a leaf and waits for autumn!!! ha..ha..ha
Q. Why did the homsi stare at the orange juice? A. Beacause it said "concentrate!"
Q: Why don't Homsis use SHAMpoo? A: Cuz they use HOMSpoo!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why are there no phone books in China? Because there are so many Wing's and Wong's, they are afraid you will Wing the Wong number.
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied. "Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you
Why was snowwhite kicked out of the Disney - because she was found on Pinocchio’s head saying; lie to me bastard! lie to me!
A linguistics professor was lecturing to her class one day. "In English," she said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
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TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!
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TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
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TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
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TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
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TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!
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TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
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TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.
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TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
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Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime.
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Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in his hand."
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Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
Son : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
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Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Kirk: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.
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At a church school gathering, one little old lady approached a cute 5-year-old girl and asked her where she got her good looks.
"I musta got em from my Daddy," said the little girl, "'cause Mommy's still got hers."
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Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love.
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Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
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Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
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Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.
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